20 March 2011 @ 02:30 am
Nightmares in the Darkness  
Title: Nightmares in the darkness
Author:  camshaft22
Fandom: SGA
Characters: John/Evan
Word Count:
Rating: NC-17
Notes: This is a sequel to somehowunbroken’s darkfest fic “life is not a dream” somehowunbroken.livejournal.com/101464.html.  Written with her permission. You'll want to read that one first.
Warnings: Character death, rape, and coping

Evan sat at the table, feeling the constant buzz in the back of his mind. He betrayed no emotion as he ate the tasteless meat and vegetable combination that John had handed him. It had been months since his arrival and he knew he’d never like this place. Hell, he stopped feeling much after the battle and after he had spent that night with his master. There was no other way to describe the relationship between him and Sheppard. Evan was the Tool and Sheppard was the User.  He had expected to be used to it by now. For his stomach not to flipflop in terror every time they went back to the office and he was forced to suck off Sheppard, for his heart to stop pounding every time it started to get dark on this planet. He should be used to it now. Evan stopped being a human being once he met Sheppard. He just didn’t understand why he expected anything else.

No one bothered to notice that he didn’t interact, didn’t show anything, and kept to himself. He was Sheppard’s after all.

No one wanted to cross him, not their protector, not their fucking hero. That he got uncomfortable around other people. Sheppard seemed to enjoy seeing the slight traces that no one other than him would notice and constantly made him go to movie night, touching him possessively, lording over Evan’s every conversation and making Evan’s personality curl in more on himself. No one would ever notice him. He was just a tool. Everyone was just relieved and happy that John had someone to balance him. Evan wanted to laugh in their faces. No one was equal to Sheppard. No one. Sheppard ruled this place. Sure, Elizabeth Weir might be in charge, and he might concede to her wishes, but only when it pleased him. Evan also hated most of the people here. They didn’t notice when he limped slightly and wouldn’t notice if he said anything anyway. He was just a tool.

Sheppard rose up and immediately Evan was on his feet, looking down at the floor, not making eye contact as he felt the invisible leash pull him along. Sheppard was in another mood and Evan could feel it. The unmistakable terror was back as they went to his office and Sheppard took a seat. “Sit down, Evan,” he said blandly as Evan hurried to his desk, sitting down. “Apparently Earth is confused about how we do things. I want you to prepare a report telling them all about the good things about our soul bond. Lie if you have too.”

“Yes, Sir,” Evan told him emotionless, beginning as he lied his ass off, telling of the acceptance and how wonderful it was to have this soul bond, how it made him a better soldier and more useful to the expedition. He pulled so much shit out of his ass, it wasn’t funny. Evan worked on the report as Sheppard did his own paperwork. John used their emotional bond to send Evan feelings of amusement and dark joy, letting Evan know that John knew what he was actually feeling. Evan had never hated anyone more in his entire life and let him know.

“You should learn to love me, Evan. We’re stuck together forever.”

“I think the devil said the same thing once,” Evan told him before he could check himself.

John started laughing, bitter and loud. “Yeah. This would be a pretty awesome hell,” he told him, his eyes promising pain and suffering.

Evan clamped his lips shut before he could whimper, knowing what he was in for.  Sheppard nodded and started back to work.


Evan walked in front of Sheppard, heaviness to his steps as he walked forward. John put a hand around his neck. “Don’t act like this is death row. I’m not going to kill you… and we both know you can’t kill me.  You wouldn’t want to end up like Stackhouse.”

His mind flashed back to the funeral. Full Marine Honors, the whole thing. The young man died of a broken heart and no one could understand why the very thought of it made Evan’s stomach turn. He wondered if they were all like this. Forced by a superior partner and just what the Alterans were thinking, doing this to them and themselves. He hated them as well, wishing he could do something, anything never to feel this empty and full of fear. Evan might be emotionless to the outside world, but inwardly, he felt such fear and such choking hatred that he didn’t know how he kept waking up and doing this to himself.

Oh. That’s right. John Sheppard forced him.

John smirked as they entered their quarters. “Take off your clothes and lay on your stomach.”

Evan was already working on unzipping his jacket and peeling off his shirt, revealing the half-healed bruises across his back. He took off his pants as fingertip sized bruises highlighted his hips. John had a moment of wonder at Evan’s expense but quickly dismissed it, getting his dick hard. Evan hissed as he lay down, trembling slightly as John got close. To him, it was just another stress relief. To Evan, it was a violation, something that he never wanted, never asked for. He felt the lubed cock shove itself inside his barely prepared ass as John thrust, holding him down. He wouldn’t cry, he wouldn’t move, it was nothing, he wasn’t even here. Evan’s mind went blank as he took the abuse, only remotely feeling it as John took his pleasure and shuddered, shooting his come up his ass. Evan laid down as John cleaned him up and then laid down beside him.

Evan stared out blankly for a few hours before he returned and turned, facing the one that had hurt him so deeply. Sheppard slept soundly, used to the tossing and turning that Evan often did. Evan stared at him for a long time, knowing he only had one chance at this. He straddled John’s body and reached out, snapping his neck as he felt his own neck twist. Evan fell on top of him, his heart stopping as he smiled, finally free of Sheppard.

Current Mood: restlessrestless
Gaffsie: stylegaffsie on March 20th, 2011 04:27 pm (UTC)
Wow, that is dark. I understand why Lorne did what he did; under the circumstances it was the only thing he could do, but I wonder what made John act the way he did.
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Vegas!John with guncamshaft22 on March 20th, 2011 08:31 pm (UTC)
I think... John was more affected by so many things and by the time Evan came around, he was so twisted that there was no coming back.
Merrovpadfootthegrim on March 21st, 2011 08:53 pm (UTC)
Somehowunbroken sent me over here for the sequel. All I can really say is wow. I think I need to go read some fluff now, but this is really good in a very dark way.
I'm impressed.
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Will Stackhouse 1camshaft22 on March 22nd, 2011 02:57 am (UTC)
Thanks for coming over. I appreciate you being impressed and reading it.


((Uses inappropriate icon, just for you))
clwilson2006clwilson2006 on March 22nd, 2011 12:06 am (UTC)
Wow, just wow.

You amaze me, and I love this a lot.
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Lornecamshaft22 on March 22nd, 2011 02:58 am (UTC)
Thank you so much!!!

You don't know how hard it was not to make David come in and save the day...
clwilson2006clwilson2006 on March 22nd, 2011 10:04 am (UTC)
oh I can well imagine. I was trying to figure out where David fits in through both of them.
lil_jeilil_jei on March 28th, 2011 10:05 am (UTC)
Wow...that was intense. Just wow. I can't say I didn't love it though...what a fic, so beautifully disturbing.
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Vegas!John with guncamshaft22 on March 31st, 2011 03:08 am (UTC)
Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate it!
(Deleted comment)
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!camshaft22 on April 2nd, 2011 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate iPr
apinkpanthress: Smith/Lorne being all Ooohhapinkpanthress on April 20th, 2011 12:21 pm (UTC)
I found this through the other fic from 'somehowunbroken'! And holy shite is this great!
I'm an Honorary Canadian. I have proof!: Lornecamshaft22 on April 20th, 2011 02:51 pm (UTC)
Thank you so very much for reading!
apinkpanthress: ilkbaharapinkpanthress on April 20th, 2011 07:19 pm (UTC)
My pleasure! :)