nervousAuthor: Leia/Camshaft22
Fandom: Stargate SG-1/Atlantis
Rating: R
Notes: Stargate and its characters belong to their respective owners. I don't own anything, not even my car. AU Universe, follow up to Lost Battle. For
kazbaby.Pairing: John Sheppard/Cameron Mitchell
Word count: 1,500
Cameron walked outside the office, waiting to speak to the one that was reassessing John. As soon as they had returned from Todd’s domain, he had been taken to the High Office to make sure he was who he claimed.
It wasn’t every day that one of their own came back from the dead.
Cam still wasn’t sure how it happened. He just knew that he had woken up alone on the battlefield, surrounded by fire. His first thought had been John. Cam had immediately teleported to where John was and rescued him from that bastard Todd, killing one of their major enemies in the process. He was still trying to figure out his new powers and what it all meant. He had originally been imbued with super strength, telepathic ability and flight, but now, he had power over fire and could teleport himself and others with just a thought. But there was more. Cam didn’t think he could die anymore.
However, he had yet to try that part.
Now, he needed to see to John. The things he had endured… the memories that Cam saw in his mind… Part of Cam wished he had kept Todd alive so he could’ve made it last longer. As the door opened, he turned to look at Alison Porter, one of the stronger Telepathic and Telekinetic people in Atlantis. She waved him inside, already knowing what he wanted.
“Shall we talk or would you rather go mind to mind?” Alison asked, keeping her shields up.
“Talk actually. I’ve had people in and out of my head lately,” Cam told her with a grin.
“Well, you did come back from the dead. That doesn’t just happen,” Alison told him dryly.
“If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that lately…”
Alison grinned. “So, what can I help you with?”
“John. How is he? Can I see him?”
Alison frowned. “He’s fine but I don’t know if that would be a good idea. He’s having some rather intensive psychic therapy and you know how exhausting it can be for those without our skills. He’s finally asleep. I really would rather he stay that way.”
“He’s in therapy for it? Why don’t you just get rid of the memories? Who the hell would want to remember that?!”
She gave him a hard look. “John Sheppard has been torn to shreds, Cameron. When you brought him in, he was hurt, he was bruised and his body had been heavily and roughly used. Even with healers, he will be sore for days. But what’s worse about this is the gall of you to ask me if I could just ‘get rid of the memories’ like it was child’s play. “
“What’s more cruel? Erasing the memories or letting him live with that for the rest of his life?!” Cam yelled at her.
Alison looked at him, her cool eyes making him feel small. “Cameron. I know that you only want what’s best. But John is a highly trained operative. He will notice the difference and it will take even longer for him to find any peace. We need to work through this together. He needs time and he needs you to be understanding and makes the attempt to comprehend that he has been through something unthinkable. John is getting help. Just be there for him.”
Cam nodded, hurting and trying to calm down. “He’s my partner; of course I’ll be there for him. He’s important to me.”
Alison looked at him with sympathy. “This will be very difficult, but you can do this if you’re patient and understanding.”
“Thanks, Allison. Will you tell me when I can see him, please?”
“I’ll alert you immediately,” she promised.
***
Weeks passed as Cam was put through every test the High Office of Atlantis could conceive of and even then, Cameron could tell that he made several of his superiors nervous. He entered his quarters, tired and frustrated, scared that he might not be allowed to go out or even live a life because of his resurrection. He missed John. Cam missed John more than anything. A large piece of Cam was missing and he didn’t know when John would be back.
Grabbing a bottle of Jack, a glass and some ice, Cameron sat down on the sofa, swirling it in the glass as he used his telekinesis to put it back on the shelf and leaned back, just letting the emotions wash over him. The door opened and John walked in.
“Hey.”
Cam startled and got up to his feet. “John?” he asked. Cam walked forward and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re home… You’re really home,” he told him, pulling away. “Are you ok?”
John scoffed. “I don’t know if ok is the word for it, but I am home and I’m really glad to be here,” he said, his voice tired.
“You’re exhausted. I can feel it,” Cam said softly. “Do you want to get some sleep?”
John frowned. “I don’t know… Nightmares, you know?”
“I can maybe slip in… give you good dreams,” Cam told him, holding his hand, needing him so much. John had never been so distant before and even though he was standing here, he felt so far away. Cam gently pushed, scanning John’s mind, trying to reconnect.
“Don’t scan me. Please Cam. Just stay out of my head,” John said his face showing no emotion.
“John…” he said, looking at him and feeling the walls go up.
“STAY OUT OF MY HEAD!” John shouted as he pushed him away telekinetically, slamming Cam into the wall. Cam gaped at him in shock as John walked out, the door sliding closed with a hiss as Cameron slumped to the ground.
***
‘Sir,’ Evan voice filled Cameron’s head. ‘I thought you’d like to know… John is here. He’s passed out on our couch,’ he told him, sounding slightly apologetic in Cam’s mind.
‘Thanks, Evan. It might be best to leave him, let him sleep where he has deemed safe. I don’t think he wants to be here right now.’
‘Sir… not to be disrespectful, but are you insane? Colonel Sheppard, John is… he’s complicated and he doesn’t know how to really deal with his feelings, but he wants to be there. More than anything. David can’t help but synch up with him empathically and John wants to be there, but he feels like he failed you somehow.’
‘But he didn’t! If I hadn’t died, he never would’ve been in that situation, never would’ve been Todd’s slave…’
‘Sir, have you seen anyone yourself? Not to be rude, but I can feel your guilt from here, and I’m halfway across the city.’
'No. I- They wanted to make sure I was me. It’s not every day that someone comes back to life without having Jackson’s powers.’
‘Perhaps you should talk to someone and continue to be patient. John will come to you, but until you deal with some of your own issues, he’ll keep leaving.’
Cam was silent, not realizing that John was feeling his guilt, that he thought he had failed him. He thought he had hidden that and he tried to convey that he didn’t blame him. But he had never been able to hide anything from John and he realized that he never actually said that he didn’t blame him. Cam just thought he would know.
‘Thank you, Lorne.’
‘I’m glad to help, Sir.’
Cam felt the other presence leave him as he licked his lips and went to Heightmeyer’s office, surprised when he saw her already waiting.
“I thought you might find your way here eventually. How about we speak about your death first?”
Cam smiled at her and took a seat, finally ready.
***
With a kiss to John’s messy hair, Cam got comfortable, holding him in his arms. They had been out of the field for a long time, but since Todd died, Lorne and Parrish had been working on some of the other Wraith. It was a much needed break for them both but Cam got the sense John was ready to head back into the fight.
“You know… When I died…” Cam started as he felt John startle in his arms. “My last thought was of you. My first thought, when I woke back up surrounded by fire and having new abilities, was you. You’re everything to me, John.”
John smiled and kissed him. “Softy.”
“Extremely so,” Cam told him. “I was always a romantic. You knew that.”
“And a sap,” John replied.
“You’re the one that decided to love me.”
“I know,” John said, closing his eyes, falling asleep in Cam’s arms. Cam smiled to himself and closed his eyes to sleep.
FIN